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Mike Phirman - Not This Time (The Kaiju Song)

from Flaw Fest by Joseph Scrimshaw and Friends

supported by
Mark Sachs
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about

Mike Phirman's epic anthem about pointless optimism and Pacific Rim. Inspired by Joseph's flaw in the track "The Optimism Menace."

lyrics

Mutavore! Kaiju - Category Tres! Bringing you the End Times!

I'm gonna raze that city
I'm gonna raze it to the ground
When I say "raze", you know I mean the "raze" where you don't lift it up
Instead you, you knock it down
Look, never mind.

I'm gonna be a hurricane (with six eyes)
I'm gonna be a big Apocalyptic jerk
I'm gonna do the exact same moves the other kaijus do but this time it's gonna work

It's all in my reach
As I crawl through the breach
You think a wall on the beach can keep me out
The end is nigh
And I'm the ending guy

CHORUS
I know you beat the one before me
You may have won that time
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
...BUT NOT THIS TIME

I'm not like all the other ones
They were different
And I'm not
We may have had the same power, same will, same
guts, same claws, same strength, same height, same weight, no weapons, same brain, even same DNA
And the same game plan

The difference is how we are different. Cos I don't have:
My head ripped off
a rocket in my butt
my brains aren't floating in a lobster tank
I still have teeth
My legs aren't gone
I'm not tied down to an aircraft carrier
I can still breathe
I'm not on fire
my ribs aren't a strip mall in Hong Kong
If you thought they were the ones to fear... you were WRONG.

Let's proceed to begin
I'm gonna lead with my chin
Just watch me follow in footsteps of the fallen for the win
The tide's are sure to shift
If you catch my drift

I know you beat the one before me (pretty much immediately)
You may have won that time
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
...BUT NOT THIS TIME.

It's go time! Let's see what you got, Tin Man! I'm gonna crack you open like a peanut shell
Eat those two little nuts and throw the rest straight to—[SHOCK] OW! What was that?! OW! What the heck is that? Is that a Chest Launcher? Good lord, man, that's—OW! Hey, let go of my face fin thing! Ahhhhh...

Otachi! Kaiju - Category Four! This world is MINE!
I'm gonna raze that city
I'm gonna raze it to the grou—OW! Hey, what is that a Plasmacaster? Dude! You just tore off my acid sac! YO! You know what, fine—I don't even need a tail! IT WAS TOO BIG ANYWAY! Let's go for a little ride, you and me. I got you now—wha—a sword?! Dude, you can't just all of a sudden have a sword! You have to say that at the beginning! That's not fair! I didn't see this coming!!

credits

from Flaw Fest, released November 5, 2013
Written, performed, and produced by Mike Phirman, BMI.

license

all rights reserved

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about

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Joseph Scrimshaw Los Angeles, California

Joseph Scrimshaw is a filmmaker, comedian, writer, and squirrel enthusiast. He's written for TV, radio, and the stage. his plays and films have been seen worldwide. He’s performed at multiple Fringe festivals, comedy festivals, theaters, bars, and conventions across the country. He also co-hosts the ForceCenter Podcast Feed and enjoys a good martini. ... more

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