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Paul & Storm - Flaw Fest
01:08
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Molly Lewis - Chop Chop
02:29
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I'm tasked with your assassination
But I don't like confrontation
I would much prefer a quiet hit & run
But at combat I am cruddy
and stabbing gets too bloody
and it isn't sportsmanlike to use a gun
Swords are really not my style
Poison capsules take a while.
Though the interaction's what I mostly dread
But when my hand is at the ready
and my arm is strong and steady
I can chop you in the ass until you're dead
And I'm like CHOP! CHOP!
and the henchmen hit the floor
when I go CHOP! CHOP!
They won't be henching anymore
Doesn't look the best
But it moves me on my quest
Don't act like you're not impressed
You're under orders, and I get that
but I'm bad at making chit chat
It's not personal, you're stationed in my way
I guess I could try to seduce you
But that isn't what I'm used to
And sexy spies are kind of a cliché
I'm not troubled by the killing
But I find I'm less than willing
To avail myself of anybody's gaze
I'm not a brute, I'm not a terrorist
I'm just easily embarrassed
And gunfire only adds to my malaise
So I'm like CHOP CHOP
and the baddies hit the ground
when I'm like CHOP CHOP
And they make the weirdest sound
One part yodel, two parts scream
Yet your partner doesn't seem
To notice that you took one for the team
When I'm like CHOP CHOP
You can't see me when I squat
So I go CHOP CHOP
Might sound sexy, but it's not
There's no technique or grace
When I'm chopping your third base
But I don't want to look you in the face.
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What would you do to make yourself invisible
Undetectable and invincible
What would you do to hide from your enemy
Sneaking up behind with weaponry
No one can hear you
No one can hear you
No one, No one
No one can hear you
What would it take to make the kill?
Patience, accuracy and skill
The ultimate element of surprise
Crouching down on your thighs
No one can hear you
No one can hear you
No one, No one
No one can hear you
Why would you slouch
Hide behind the couch
No one can hear you when you crouch
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15. |
John Munson - Wife Head
03:23
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WIFE HEAD
FOLLOWING ME OUT THE DOOR
WIFE HEAD
DANCES OVER MY SHOULDER
I DON'T ALWAYS APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU DO
BUT WORDS YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE ARE RINGING TRUE
DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME, CAN'T ALWAYS LISTEN TO
MY WIFE HEAD
WIFE HEAD
RIDING ON THE PASSENGER SIDE
WIFE HEAD ON MY ROAD AND FREEWAY RIDES
AND WHEN MY VEINS ARE BULGING IN A RIGHTEOUS RAGE
SHE'S THE VOICE OF REASON BABY SHE'S MY SAGE
THE BALMY BREEZE OF SPRING WHEN I'M A HURRICANE
YOU SAVE ME WIFE HEAD
DON'T EVER GET OUT OF THE CAR...SHE SAID
WIFE HEAD
HOW ABOUT ONE MORE GLASS OF WINE
WIFE HEAD
SHE REMEMBERS EACH LAST TIME
THE CRAWLING IN THE YARD UNDER DIM STREET LIGHTS
THE TILES ON MY FACE AND THE SPINNING WHITE
ALL THE MORNINGS AFTER WHEN I'M NOT QUITE RIGHT
COME LOVE ME WIFE HEAD
WIFE HEAD
HOVERS IN THE DARK OF NIGHT
I GAZE INTO THE BRIGHT SCREEN LIGHT
BABY IT'S JUST GEAR PORN, NOT THE REAL THING
I THINK I'VE FOUND SOME GEAR WITH WHICH TO HAVE A FLING
THINK OF ALL THE JOY THIS PILE OF STUFF WILL BRING WE'LL PUT IT…. SOMEWHERE
DON'T WORRY WIFE HEAD
I LOVE YOU WIFE HEAD
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16. |
The Doubleclicks - Eggs
03:11
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Mutavore! Kaiju - Category Tres! Bringing you the End Times!
I'm gonna raze that city
I'm gonna raze it to the ground
When I say "raze", you know I mean the "raze" where you don't lift it up
Instead you, you knock it down
Look, never mind.
I'm gonna be a hurricane (with six eyes)
I'm gonna be a big Apocalyptic jerk
I'm gonna do the exact same moves the other kaijus do but this time it's gonna work
It's all in my reach
As I crawl through the breach
You think a wall on the beach can keep me out
The end is nigh
And I'm the ending guy
CHORUS
I know you beat the one before me
You may have won that time
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
...BUT NOT THIS TIME
I'm not like all the other ones
They were different
And I'm not
We may have had the same power, same will, same
guts, same claws, same strength, same height, same weight, no weapons, same brain, even same DNA
And the same game plan
The difference is how we are different. Cos I don't have:
My head ripped off
a rocket in my butt
my brains aren't floating in a lobster tank
I still have teeth
My legs aren't gone
I'm not tied down to an aircraft carrier
I can still breathe
I'm not on fire
my ribs aren't a strip mall in Hong Kong
If you thought they were the ones to fear... you were WRONG.
Let's proceed to begin
I'm gonna lead with my chin
Just watch me follow in footsteps of the fallen for the win
The tide's are sure to shift
If you catch my drift
I know you beat the one before me (pretty much immediately)
You may have won that time
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
and the time before that (and the time before that)
...BUT NOT THIS TIME.
It's go time! Let's see what you got, Tin Man! I'm gonna crack you open like a peanut shell
Eat those two little nuts and throw the rest straight to—[SHOCK] OW! What was that?! OW! What the heck is that? Is that a Chest Launcher? Good lord, man, that's—OW! Hey, let go of my face fin thing! Ahhhhh...
Otachi! Kaiju - Category Four! This world is MINE!
I'm gonna raze that city
I'm gonna raze it to the grou—OW! Hey, what is that a Plasmacaster? Dude! You just tore off my acid sac! YO! You know what, fine—I don't even need a tail! IT WAS TOO BIG ANYWAY! Let's go for a little ride, you and me. I got you now—wha—a sword?! Dude, you can't just all of a sudden have a sword! You have to say that at the beginning! That's not fair! I didn't see this coming!!
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Once there was a helium balloon
His head was white and round like the moon
If you sucked him, you’d sound like a loon
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, It’s Mr. Suckface
Make me squeak, make me squeal
Make me speak just like a seal
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, I’m your Suckface
Pop me with your pin, do it again
Deflate me then blow me up again
Tie me to a pole and suck from my hole
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, It’s Mr. Suckface
Make me squeak, make me squeal
Make me speak just like a seal
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, I’m your Suckface
Please please don’t you ever go away
Cause you know your place is on my face
Let me know when you need your next blow
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, It’s Mr. Suckface
Make me squeak, make me squeal
Make me speak just like a seal
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, I’m your Suckface
Copyright free guitar solo!
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, It’s Mr. Suckface
Make me squeak, make me squeal
Make me speak just like a seal
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, I’m your Suckface
One more time!
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, It’s Mr. Suckface
Make me squeak, make me squeal
Make me speak just like a seal
OHH BABY
OHH YEAH, I’m your Suckface
So you can suck me!
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Joseph Scrimshaw Los Angeles, California
Joseph Scrimshaw is a comedian, writer, and squirrel enthusiast described by a fan on Twitter as "geek flavored." He's written for Adult Swim, RiffTrax, Screen Junkies, and more. He’s performed at SF SketchFest, Jonathan Coulton’s JoCoCruise, theaters, bars, and conventions across the country. He hosts Obsessed Podcast, co-hosts the ForceCenter Podcast Feed, and spends too much time on Twitter. ... more
Joseph Scrimshaw recommends:
President Snakes
by The Doubleclicks
Funny, sweet, sarcastic, and awesome with snakes.
go to album
Cthulhu Strikes Back (Special Edition)
by The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets
Funny, smart, and full of horror!
go to albumIf you like Flaw Fest, you may also like:
Christmas Ain't About Me
by The Doubleclicks
Lasers and Feelings
by The Doubleclicks
supported by 17 fans who also own “Flaw Fest”
Just wonderful. Great message, great vibe, great lyrics, great melodies.
go to album
Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John Robins
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
go to album
Taylor Ham, Egg, And Cheese
by Chris Gethard
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone.
go to album
